Regardless of the phrasing….
reach out to
call in a favor
or, ‘scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours….’
Do we tell our selves that we have it easy compared to others? Are we minimizing our importance of being human?
Maybe the fear of being told to ‘get over it’ or ‘that’s just life’ after sharing concerns with someone is having now to be willing to risk being seen as vulnerable. Without even anyone saying so I still hear in my head that “I am too weak/soft” and that I just need to ‘toughen up’. Perhaps you were brought up with importance placed on pride and raised that you were to be resilient, self-reliant, and independent. And there is this- From an early age as humans we are taught ‘you do this for me and I’ll do that for you.’ So when it comes to asking for help we might be afraid of what could be expected of us in return, especially when we are depleted and at a low point where we don’t feel like we have anything to give. The struggle is when you WANT and FEEL like giving yet you might feel trapped in a debt that you have no option to repay,
I have always taken pride in dealing with things alone, it was my way of retaining control. I might fear losing a grip now on the situation if I ask for help. My thoughts and worries race, I fear losing control. I might even be reluctant to ask for fear of the potential awkwardness down the line if someone takes me under their wing, gives me solutions and advice, and then only for me to choose to do something different. How do you tell them without rejecting the time, effort and more they gave to you? It can feel embarrassing and imprisoning, so I am reluctant to ask. Maybe you have experienced things that mean you find it very hard to trust other people. Or you’ve felt let down by people you thought would help you.
It can be so easy to convince our self that our problems are our problems, and we just need to get over our own “bad”self, that we should cope like everyone else, right? If we have been on the receiving end of words like those then we may fear hearing them again. There is a great undertone of rejection in those words. If you fear having your problems and concerns belittled then it’s logical that you will be more reluctant to bring them to another person. Yes.
There might also be a fear of judgement by the other person, especially if we need help with something that we feel embarrassed by or guilty about. Judgement is itself a very real form of rejection.
Or maybe you’ve had experiences of other people coming to you for help and that developed into a one way dependency relationship. It’s obvious to see why we might be uneasy about asking for help. We don’t want to make anyone feel about ourselves the way we felt and think about the person who is dependent on you, i.e. resentment towards you.
Perhaps too it’s not wanting to feel like we have brought an undeserved burden into someone else’s life. I struggle with being the center of attention, and the strange sense of self-consciousness in talking about myself and any problems I am experiencing, to someone else
Lastly a note related to Neuro-Fatigue:
Getting cognitively overwhelmed and the energy drain is a big one for most of us, and it factors into everything we do. Bringing other people into it, asking for help will take energy; explaining things, answering questions, and feeling many of the pressures, this all depletes our energy, and we have none in reserves. Asking for help, especially right away, becomes all overwhelming, albeit a self defeating and limiting concept, yet we don’t.
Can we agree today that we’ll try? It’s much appreciated.